It is approximately 1:30 am on a Thursday morning, I feel awful and cannot sleep for love nor money. This pandemic has taken its toll on everyone and the lack of routine and structure in everyone's daily life is ruined. It has taken its toll on me for sure!
I am sitting here on my bed with my grinch pjs on looking back at memories from last year and realising how things have changed and how our lives will now be surrounded by face masks and hand sanitiser..
I have my wax melt burning and smelling amazing in my room. I am surrounded by the sound of my fingers typing this blog and I feel like I need to type a few things down as a way of release, feel free to read my brain junk...
I was just scrolling through social media tonight (as you do) and I came across this video...
It was captioned "There are 4 things you cannot get back in life".
Normally I skip videos, they're not for me. I'd rather read something but I watched the video and it really stuck with me.
The 4 things you cannot get back in life are...
1. The word after it is said...
2. An opportunity after it is missed...
3. Time after it has gone...
4. Trust after it is lost...
I read these 4 things back and it really is true, time is so precious to us. We will never get the time back again. I will never be 20 again, I will never be 10 again. It really hits you when you think about it.
I have had some of the worst years of my life, things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I have also had years of my life where I have felt so happy and so content. I guess it's like a book, you can't skip the chapters. You just have to get through those first boring ones to get to the good stuff in the middle.
Yesterday was my last day working from home (well at the moment we don't know what's happening in the future but for now) and I felt mixed emotions. I felt happy because it means I can go back to the shop and see my colleagues and customers but on the other hand I felt a bit unsure.
I guess at home you feel safe. I haven't been massively well recently. I've put some weight on and things, it has just made me want to hide under a rock. I won't go into details as it is personal to me and still under investigation but I have never felt so awful in myself.
Normally I am a massive fan of Christmas. Tree up, Grinch on the TV and throw on my favourite Christmas pjs. This year everything is different for everyone and I can't help but feel a bit like a grinch myself. Not only have I been unwell but the whole Christmas markets not going ahead this year has put a downer on Christmas for me, It is really important to me when celebrating the festive season. As a kid I never really went to Christmas markets, I'd go and see Santa but a couple of years ago when I met my boyfriend Jamie we started going to the one in our local town. It has become part of a tradition and I feel like it can't be Christmas without that. :(
The lockdown may have ended but I think a lot of people will still feel so trapped. People have isolated for most of this year and I think it will be hard to get back into some sort of normality. I have done all of my Christmas present shopping online this year, mainly because I don't want the anxiety of standing in a shop with crowds of people.
I have lots of people around me who I love and I will have a lovely Christmas with but I know a lot of people will not. I can't even begin to imagine those on the street or those who need to rely on food banks and help with things when everywhere is closed down. Last year my work collected lots of food together for our local food bank and I feel like this will be even more important this year.
This year more than ever people need to come together and do lovely things for others like donating food to their local food bank or helping in any way shape or form that they can. I know I will do my best to give as much as possible during this hard time, even just giving my own time. Like I said before time is so precious to us and all we need sometimes is for someone to ask how we are, it can really change the outlook on the day.
Thank you for reading my blog, I didn't really have a structure for this one, early morning madness maybe?
Just typing out my feelings helps with getting things off my chest so definitely try it!
I will try to write another blog soon but I have a couple of important days ahead so please bare with me and keep an eye out for my next blog.
Chloe x
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